Why it happens
Hitting, pushing and biting are what happens when a strong feeling arrives faster than the words and the brakes. The part of the brain that inhibits impulses is still under construction well into the school years. A two-year-old who hits is not cruel or badly raised — they are overwhelmed and under-equipped.
The most common triggers we see are: wanting something someone else has, defending a space or a project, being crowded, being tired or hungry, being overstimulated, and — often overlooked — the discovery that hitting works.
In the moment
- Stop it physically and calmly. Move between the children. “I’m going to stop your hands.” No lecture yet — nobody learns while flooded.
- Attend to the child who was hurt first. This matters more than it sounds. It shows both children who needs care right now, without a performance of blame.
- Be brief and clear. “Hitting hurts. I won’t let you hurt Sam.” Two sentences, no interrogation about why.
- Stay with them. Sitting alongside a child while they come down teaches regulation. Sending them away teaches only that big feelings get you excluded.
- Do the repair. Once calm: “Sam’s arm hurts. What could help?” A cold cloth, a drawing, a toy delivered. Action, not a forced apology.
- Give the missing words later. When everyone is settled: “You really wanted the digger. Next time you can say my turn next, and I’ll help you wait.”
What we avoid, and why
- Shame. “Naughty” and “that’s not nice” give a child an identity, not a skill.
- Long explanations mid-storm. Words go nowhere until the body has calmed.
- Biting or hitting back to ‘show them how it feels’. It teaches exactly the thing we’re trying to unteach.
- Making the child apologise on cue. Genuine repair beats a scripted word every time.
Reducing it over time
Look for the pattern rather than the incident. When does it happen — late morning before lunch? In the crowded doorway at transitions? With one particular child? Almost all repeat hitting has a predictable trigger, and triggers can be designed around: an earlier snack, a smaller group, more space, a heads-up before transitions, a job during the waiting time.
Then teach the replacement explicitly, when everyone is calm. Practise the words. Practise stamping feet or squeezing a cushion or coming to find an adult. Children need somewhere for the feeling to go.
What we do at the centre
We keep records, look for patterns, and shadow closely for a while if a child is having a hard run. We’ll tell you what happened without dramatising it, and we won’t name the other child — just as we won’t name yours to them. And we’ll ask what you’re seeing at home, because the same strategy in both places works roughly twice as fast.
When to look further
If hitting is frequent, escalating, happening with no obvious trigger, or your child seems distressed by their own behaviour, let’s talk. Sometimes there’s a sensory need, a language frustration, or something going on at home that a child can’t say out loud. Asking for help early is the fastest route through.